DON'T PANIC

It seems that the very moment when you find yourself on top of the world with everything under control is the exact same moment when you will notice the foundation below you crumbling. We all know this feeling. Each and every one of us has had an experience where at one instance in time we feel unstoppable, and the next instant... well, we're stopped.

How does this apply to me? Well, for the moment I can't fully discuss that. Suffice it to say that there are at least two different situations that I find myself in at the moment that I'm struggling with. Only a short time ago I believed wholeheartedly that the path I was taking was absolutely the right path for me. I felt downright unstoppable.

Times change. Now I feel... well, stopped. Sometimes life presents us with the most incredible of challenges. Under which circumstances, it is natural to feel overwhelmed. What solution is there to this sense of paralysis? The claustrophobic sensation of the world tightening around you? Do you succumb to these negative forces and give up? Do you thrash about wildly hoping against all hope that you can relieve even a fraction of the pressure?

A friend of mine who shares a similar interest in writing about the quotes and thoughts occupying his mind recently wrote about this quote:

"If you are going through hell, keep going."
-Winston Churchill

Mr. Churchill couldn't have been more right, and Gary couldn't have had better timing. Think about it. If you're in hell, where do you end up if you stop?

So I've been doing my best to collect myself and start moving again lately. I've been fighting the forces of inertia and trying to get myself going again. Sure enough, I'll be making a big move very soon. Believe me, I have no intention of remaining in hell.

I tell myself that I don't panic. The more I think about it, the more I realize that that is a lie. My panic is simply a little different than most. My panic isn't the freak-out-and-make-rash-decisions type; my panic is the I-don't-know-what-to-do-next-so-I-just-shut-down-altogether type. I internalize, and eventually I seize up and stop.

Perhaps the scariest part about all of this is my ability to disguise my negative emotions. I am absolutely stressed but I avoid showing it at all costs. I think the biggest outward indicator of my current state of mind is my health, and I even do my best to disguise the severity of those issues.

Nevertheless I always try my best to avoid panicking. Taking a moment to think a problem through and gather yourself before acting has proven itself a good strategy for me. It occurs to me that panicking will only exacerbate any trouble you are in, no matter which type of panic you exhibit.

Well, I'm done panicking. I'm facing some big challenges, but I'm ready to take them on.

So next time you don't know what to do, next time you feel like you're freaking out, or overwhelmed, or collapsing in on yourself, just remember these two simple words:

"DON'T PANIC"
-Douglas Adams (Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy)

God's Apology

For those of you who know me, you may well be aware that I am not the most theistic person in the world. I am a self declared non-christian agnostic. I have a strong scientific mind that seeks fact and evidence. The only place I put faith is in those who have proven themselves worthy. And while this may seem arrogant or even blasphemous; God, you sir, have not.

Not that it matters. If a God exists in any form similar to that which man has created - that is, man created God in the image of himself - I don't believe that God necessarily needs to prove himself to anyone. Nor does he need to report or answer to anyone. This of course assumes we're discussing the commonly accepted monotheistic God. So what on Earth would God have to apologize for?

“Friends are God's apology for relations.”
- Hugh Kingsmill

I received an interesting email this morning. Without getting into any details about it, I think this quote applies at least to the periphery of the issue. While this quote may have been intended with regard to things we cannot choose (our families) I think we can take it a step further.

There are some pains in life that we have all experienced. Some troubles that we all share in some form or another. If you're the type of person to believe in a higher power, then you may occasionally question why a merciful God would condemn us to such pains and troubles. Likewise, if you believe in that merciful God, then you probably believe in his master plan. But perhaps God does owe you an apology.

I learned a while ago that saying that you're sorry is not always an expression of guilt. It is often a display of empathy to which guilt should not be attached.

The WordNet Dictionary defines the word apologize as follows:

"1: acknowledge faults or shortcomings or failing"

God acknowledges your pain, and gives you friends to help you through your troubling times.

I do what I can to help my friends through whatever hardships they might be facing. I know my friends would do the same for me. Friends have helped me through some of the roughest moments of my life, and without them I have no idea how I would have made it.

Perhaps, if there is a God, he is the one who gave me those friends. Was it truly arrogant to call Him out then? Personally, I think it arrogant to believe that an omnipotent being would even give me a second thought. An ant might believe me to be all powerful, and I still don't care what its name is.

Nay, I believe that my friends have all done what they have done of their own accord. And that, my friends, is what makes them amazing.

We are what we pretend to be...

Here's something that has popped up a couple of times in the last week or so. It's the concept that we are all pretending - more specifically that we are all pretending to be somebody else. Can that be right? If so, who am I pretending to be? Who are my friends pretending to be? Why can't we just be ourselves?

In order to be ourselves, we must first know ourselves. There's your first hurdle right there. I don't think any one of us truly knows ourselves 100%. Perhaps that's why it's so easy to become enamored with somebody who seems to know you better than you know yourself. The truth is, maybe they do.

Some are indeed more enlightened, more self aware though. But even so, those people are probably pretending too, right? Perhaps they're only pretending to be someone better or smarter than their true self.

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." - Kurt Vonnegut

The first spot where this thought along a thread of similarities popped up recently was in an episode of "Life". I'll skip the synopsis for now, but the main character, Charlie Crews, is a detective who tends to have a very zen outlook on life. He has a ton of interesting things to say (a credit to the writers of "Life"). In this recent episode, he said "Buddha says everyone pretends to be someone else." So now we have two people... well, three if you consider the fictional character of Charlie Crews... who think that everyone is pretending. What kind of message is this?

This is what led me to many of the above thoughts. Later in the same episode, Crews also wondered "Who was the Buddha pretending to be?" and that "Perhaps he was pretending to be the Buddha" (paraphrased). He was pretending to be himself, or to go a step further, he was pretending to be a better version of himself.

Entry two into this chain of perception comes in a slightly different form. I read somebody's profile today, and they said:

"I do the best imitiation [sic] of myself."

OF COURSE! If we are all living day to day pretending to be ourselves, then it only stands to reason that we should be most apt to imitate ourselves. Believing that I am pretending to be the person I want to be, and in agreement with Vonnegut's position that we are what we pretend to be, then I will eventually become that better person. Spending each moment of each day pretending to be that person should make me best prepared to imitate that person.

So... Who are you pretending to be?

Quotes and Ponderances: As a part...

It came to mind yesterday while I was driving that I ought to find some things to consider, ponder, or otherwise meditate on. Why did this come to mind?

Truth be told, I was listening to a song and was taken back to my days at Ferris. Specifically, I remember that in one of my dorm rooms, someone had etched a little saying into the wall. I can only remember the first few words, so I'll fill in the rest with my best recollection. Lightly written in pencil, It said:

"As a part of the greater whole"

I always wondered where this thought came from, why it was written on the wall, what the person who wrote it thought as they wrote it. I often let those words roll around in my head. Never once did it occur to me to get some soap and water and wash the scribblings from the wall.

Flash back to me driving, and once again the words were bouncing through my brain as I drove. I wondered first if those words were still inscribed on the wall. Next, I considered again what they meant. I took the words, formed them around my life as we all do when we hear something with any amount of depth, be it a lyric, a quote, or simply and offhand statement.

I am a part of something greater than myself. What I do is not simply for myself. Frequently, what I do is motivated by those around me, and what effects it will have on them. I want what I do to be of benefit to more people than just myself.

So instead of simply seeking out words to meditate on, I want to take this one step further and record my thoughts. Hence, the blog that you are now reading.

According to most dictionaries, ponderances is not a word. However, according to this UrbanDictionary.com entry (that I agree with completely) ponderances are:

Ponderous thoughts to be ponderously pondered. Basically, if there is an adverb, adjective, and verb of ponder, then it stands to reason that there ought to be a noun as well.

Your thoughts and comments are welcome, as are contributing authors.

Welcome to Quotes and Ponderances.